Graham & John: The Boo‘Kings’
A Rattlesnake’s Scorn
By
Graham Mirmina and John Napolitano
All
wrestling fans fantasize about what could have been or what could be inside the
confines of the squared circle, whether they're realistic or not. When the
current Creative Team fails to intrigue us as an audience, we ask ourselves,
"What if we were the bookers?" We then take it upon ourselves to plan
out storylines, feuds, matches and more the way we think they'd make sense; the
way fans want to see it happen. In this multi-part series, Graham
"GSM" Matthews and John Napolitano, collectively known as The
Boo'Kings', take complete creative control of WWE and do some "beast
booking" of their own. In this edition, they break down how they'd like to
see Stone Cold Steve Austin's in-ring return executed and everything else
that would come along with it.
June 13, 2011. The night Stone Cold Steve Austin was last seen
on an episode of Raw. He was fresh off hosting the revival of Tough Enough and
granting the competition's winner Andy Leavine a contract (I still
wholeheartedly believe Luke Robinson should have won, but I digress). He also
booked that night's main event: then-WWE Champion John Cena vs. CM Punk, a
match that would set the stage for one of the biggest WWE feuds in years.
Beforehand, Austin appeared in a backstage segment with Punk, a man he had
never crossed paths with prior to this point (and no, Punk calling out Stone
Cold on the disappointing 800th episode of Raw doesn't count). The two had a
fun verbal exchange, planting the seeds for a dream match that would never come
to fruition. Until now.
In the last three years,
Stone Cold has made only one appearance on WWE TV, that being at WrestleMania
30 alongside two fellow legends in The Rock and Hulk Hogan. But not on Raw.
Stone Cold has yet to confirm or deny the rumors of him returning to the ring
one last time, and as it turns out, they're true! Austin is indeed coming back
to compete at WrestleMania 32 on his home turf of Dallas, Texas, the same
location he was inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame over WrestleMania 25 weekend
in 2009. It's one night removed from WrestleMania 31, and Austin has been
confirmed to appear on Raw for the first time in nearly four years. By this
point, it is very well known that Austin is set to announce his intentions to
wrestle again at 'Mania the following year. But the real question is, against
whom?
It
is 10:53 p.m. and the WWE Universe explodes with vigorous and passionate awe as
the sound of glass shattering fills the arena and so too does a famous
attitudinal guitar rift. Stone Cold Steve Austin emerges from ‘Gorilla’ all
business, clad in faded blue jeans and a brand new leather jacket. It is clear
that he hasn’t returned for a pointless plug or a putrid publicity promenade;
no, he is here to stomp mud holes and walk them dry. The “Texas Rattlesnake”
grabs a microphone and cuts off both his entrance music and the adulation from
the adoring fans. He begins to rant about how sick he is of hearing that John
Cena, according to Michael Cole, is the greatest WWE Champion of all time,
seeing as the now 16-time champ won the strap the night before at WrestleMania
XXXI. He proceeds to demand that Michael Cole come in the ring for some one on
one time with the rattlesnake. Michael Cole hesitantly enters through the
second rope, microphone in hand, and attempts to reason with the six-time WWE
Champion. As Michael Cole approaches Austin, Austin embraces him with a stunner
and the arena goes haywire. As the crowd continues its frenzy, Stone Cold grabs
his microphone and demands that John Cena get down to the ring immediately.
John
Cena emerges to the biggest chorus of boos he has ever received in his entire
career, but he is stern and intense with his eyes locked on Stone Cold Steve
Austin. Austin does not even give Cena the respect of a silent entrance; he is
verbally tearing Cena apart with each step Cena takes towards the ring, and it
becomes apparent that Steve Austin is livid. As the WWE World Heavyweight
Champion enters the ring, Stone Cold chirps that he’s disgusted at the notion
of John Cena being the greatest WWE Champion of all time. He explains that
winning that title 16 times means Cena lost it 16 times and there ain’t nothing
great about that. Before Cena can remark, Austin reminds him that he’s no
“Dwayne” and he refuses to wait a year to open a can of “whoop ass” on him. As
the show goes off of the air, Austin finishes, “And you can bet your ass you’re
gonna get beat for a 17th time,” and he slams the mic into Cena’s
chest as he exits the ring.
One week later on Raw,
Cena comes out to the ring in Cleveland, lacking any intensity whatsoever.
After a few untimely punch lines and undesired humor, he develops a serious
tone when announcing that Stone Cold Steve Austin is not in the building
tonight, causing the crowd to uproar with disappointment. They weren't booing
because they resented Stone Cold, but because they were looking forward to
seeing him open up a can of whoop ass on the Cenation leader right then and
there. Cena goes on to talk about how Steve Austin is a fair-weather superstar
exactly like “Dwayne” in that he has become too “Hollywood” for the WWE. He
wasn't back “for good,” he'd only show up when it was convenient for him.
At
that very moment, Stone Cold Steve Austin appears on the titantron to the
delight of the WWE Universe. He immediately mocks John Cena's smirk and
strongly advises him to wipe it off his face. Stone Cold goes on to explain
that he has been rehabilitating an injury for quite some time now following another
surgery on his right knee and wouldn't be allowed to engage in any physicality
for the foreseeable future. Otherwise, he would have showed up in Cleveland
that night in person to give him the beating of a lifetime. But then he makes a
challenge. Austin announces that he will be medically cleared by SummerSlam in
August, and proposes that he and Cena face off at the biggest party of the
summer. Cena accepts the challenge, and the stage is set.
Two
weeks shy of the biggest party of the summer an unfortunate aggravation of
Stone Cold Steve Austin’s knee occurs and the entire WWE Universe is
disheartened to hear that he will not compete at SummerSlam against the WWE
World Heavyweight Champion, John Cena. The COO of the WWE, Triple H, attempts
to right this wrong by announcing a Gold Rush Tournament at SummerSlam where
the winner will contend for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship in the main
event. Despite the magnitude of this announcement from the Authority, the WWE
Universe is not exactly thrilled with the concept. The idea of seeing John Cena
and Stone Cold Steve Austin do battle was one that casual and hardcore fans alike
had their hearts set on. Nevertheless, Triple H announces the participants of
this Gold Rush Tournament later that night including Sami Zayn, Dolph Ziggler,
Dean Ambrose, Bray Wyatt, Seth Rollins, Roman Reigns, Kurt Angle, and CM Punk.
SummerSlam
has finally arrived and there is a disheartening atmosphere in New York as the
WWE Universe was promised the match of a lifetime and given a tournament that
seems almost rushed and thrown together at the last minute. The WWE Universe
may not be witnessing Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. John Cena for the WWE World
Heavyweight Championship, but they are damn sure getting an action-packed night
of professional wrestling as the card is stacked from top to bottom with main
event caliber matches at every turn.
The night is kicked off
with Sami Zayn squaring off with Dean Ambrose in a fast-paced 10-minute opener.
Dean Ambrose would come out on top and face Dolph Ziggler, who just barely beat
Bray Wyatt, in the semifinals. On the other end of the bracket, Roman Reigns
would defeat the Olympic Gold Medalist Kurt Angle via count out and meet the
“Best in the World,” CM Punk who put his first round opponent Seth Rollins to
sleep in an all time classic match. The semifinals would see Dean Ambrose go
over on Dolph Ziggler in a great 15-minute bout and CM Punk defeat Roman Reigns
via disqualification. The finals of the Gold Rush Tournament would showcase
Dean Ambrose vs. CM Punk with the winner going on to face the WWE World
Heavyweight Champion only minutes later. Ten minutes into the clash, Roman
Reigns would make his presence felt by spearing CM Punk when the referee’s back
was turned and give Dean Ambrose the victory. The crowd did not appreciate
Ambrose’s method of victory and they let him know it, but Ambrose would ignore
their jeers and celebrate his newly acclaimed number one contention. The main
event of SummerSlam would witness John Cena vs. Dean Ambrose for the WWE World
Heavyweight Championship.
As John Cena and Dean
Ambrose scratch and claw at one another, a familiar and highly unexpected sound
of glass shattering rings throughout the arena and the WWE Universe screams in
utter jubilation. Stone Cold Steve Austin is at SummerSlam and he is making his
way down to the ring equipped with crutches for better mobility. Cena and
Ambrose are too fatigued to take notice of this surprise visit from the “Texas
Rattlesnake.” Ambrose goes to clothesline John Cena who ducks it and allows the
referee to take the brunt of the bump. Almost instantly after the referee is
knocked down, Austin throws Dean Ambrose a crutch, and Ambrose shatters it over
the cranium of John Cena. Stone Cold shakes the referee awake, who then counts
Cena’s shoulders to the mat one, two, three.
“The winner of the match, and NEW WWE World Heavyweight Champion, Dean
Ambrose.”
The WWE Universe bellows
a mixture of cheers and jeers towards the newly turned heel Dean Ambrose, but
the cheers overtake the jeers when Stone Cold Steve Austin enters the ring and
raises the new champ’s hand. Dean Ambrose has aligned himself with the ultimate
antihero, Stone Cold Steve Austin.
The autumn months would
witness John Cena attempt to regain his coveted WWE World Heavyweight
Championship to no avail. Dean Ambrose paired with Stone Cold Steve Austin is
just too awesome of a force to overcome for the 16-time world champion. His
succession of failures would cause Cena to take time off from television and as
Dean Ambrose’s legitimacy grows, Stone Cold too would begin to slowly fade off
of television. That is, until one night after the 2016 Royal Rumble.
For the first time in
months, Stone Cold Steve Austin was back on Monday Night Raw. The crowd’s
reaction to his return was a little stale considering he had been frequenting
WWE television all fall, but excitement was in the air nonetheless. Before Austin
can even address the WWE Universe, the WWE World Heavyweight Champion, Dean
Ambrose interrupts him with a clear resentment for his previous number one
supporter. In Austin’s absence, Ambrose had gotten over as one of the biggest
heels in WWE history. The WWE Universe genuinely despises him and it seems as
though Stone Cold has created a monster. Ambrose grabs a microphone and begs
the question,
“How could you leave me high and dry like that Steve? We were on
the hottest runs of our careers and when the going got tough Steve Austin got
going, like you always do! This place has been a circus for the last three
months and you’ve been home bitching and moaning about your damn knee.”
“Hey Dean, good news! My knee’s all fixed!”
Stone Cold Steve Austin stuns
Dean Ambrose in the middle of the ring and the crowd jumps up in perfect unison. Finally, the Steve Austin of old is back!
But Steve Austin has unfinished business in the form of John Cena. The next
week on Raw, John Cena calls out the “Texas Rattlesnake.” These two icons go
nose to nose in the center of the ring and the perfect visual is created. Steve
Austin admits that he respects John Cena and that he is one tough “S.O.B.” Cena
appreciates the kind words and he has respect for Stone Cold Steve Austin too
despite his actions at SummerSlam; but he’s not looking to mend the past, John
Cena wants a match with the six-time WWE Champion at WrestleMania 32. Stone
Cold gives Cena a quaint smirk and whispers, “You sure about that champ?” The
two legends seal their fate with a handshake and for the first time ever in
Dallas, Texas, at WrestleMania 32, the face of the Attitude Era and the face of
the PG Era will clash in the biggest matchup in WWE History.
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