John's Jargon: 8th Edition

John’s Jargon

From Professional Wrestling to Baseball and Everything In-Between

Return of the Rattlesnake?

By John Napolitano

         Cue the glass shattering and the classic Stone Cold pop as the eighth edition of John’s Jargon dives into the world of the always-enthralling idea of another possible “Texas Rattlesnake” return; however, I’m not referring to the same old Austin returns of the last decade that, albeit, we have come to know and love. No, I would like to discuss the possibility of Stone Cold Steve Austin lacing up his boots one more time, returning to that 20-foot by 20-foot squared-circle, and stunning the competition one last time at WrestleMania XXXI.

            Allow me to take you back to a simpler time during the glory days of World Wrestling Entertainment, a time period synonymous with beer swilling, finger raising, Zamboni driving, and content thriving. The epicenter amidst all of this chaos of the Attitude Era was none other than the “Texas Rattlesnake” himself, Stone Cold Steve Austin. Being a King of the Ring, three-time Royal Rumble winner, a six-time WWE Champion, and one of the most iconic WWE Superstars of all-time, Austin mesmerizes the masses anytime he is in the public eye.

            But Stone Cold Steve Austin has not competed in the ring, due to his overall health, since March 30, 2003, at Safeco Field in Seattle, Washington, against his long-time rival, The Rock, at WrestleMania XIX. Since his departure from the ring, Austin has participated in non-competitive roles such as Raw’s Co-General Manager, the Sherriff of the WWE, and as a special guest referee on more than one occasion. He has undoubtedly produced some of his best material during his post-retirement tenure, but many fans lust to see the “Texas Rattlesnake” hit the ropes one last time.

            Three telltale signs of a potential in-ring return for Stone Cold Steve Austin at WrestleMania XXXI have been made apparent to the Internet Wrestling Community in the last week or two.

Firstly, on the season premiere of Monday Night Raw, the WWE plugged Steve Austin’s podcast, available on PodcastOne, which is an indication that they are having talks with Austin in some capacity.

Also, there have been reports that Austin has returned to the gym and has been working out frequently. This is significant because he has been quoted in saying that if he were to ever make his in-ring return, he would need six or seven months to get back into ring shape. It just so happens that we are seven months away from WrestleMania at Levi’s Stadium in Santa Clara, California.

Finally, World Wrestling Entertainment has ordered the production of a new batch of “Austin 3:16” shirts, which tells me they want the WWE Universe to be appropriately clad for the return of one of the biggest legends in WWE history. 

            Having said that, who could possibly be bestowed the honor of taking on Stone Cold Steve Austin in his second final match? There is a plethora of names racing through my head as I comb over this question. Superstars like Daniel Bryan, Bray Wyatt, Randy Orton, or even a returning CM Punk come to mind when I attempt to illustrate the perfect poetic sendoff for Steve Austin.

            At this point in the current state of the WWE, the only logical adversary for a returning Steve Austin at WrestleMania XXXI would be John Cena. In a concept similar to John Cena vs. The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin and John Cena would have the potential to paint an even greater picture as the true faces of their respective eras. The concept seems a little raw and inorganic at the moment considering Cena is in the midst of a fantastic rivalry with the current WWE World Heavyweight Champion Brock Lesnar, but once the Royal Rumble roles around, it would not be out of the question to see a program between Cena and Austin ignite.

            Personally, I would love nothing more than to see Stone Cold Steve Austin defeat his successor as the face of the WWE, John Cena, in the main event of WrestleMania XXXI, and you can expect Graham ‘GSM’ Matthews and I will book this epic program in an upcoming edition of Graham and John: The Boo‘Kings’. Cue the glass shattering and a “steveweiser” celebration.

Graham & John: The Boo‘Kings’

Graham & John: The Boo‘Kings’

An Olympic Gold Storyline

By Graham Mirmina and John Napolitano

            All wrestling fans fantasize about what could have been or what could be inside the confines of the squared circle, whether they're realistic or not. When the current Creative Team fails to intrigue us as an audience, we ask ourselves, "What if we were the bookers?" We then take it upon ourselves to plan out storylines, feuds, matches and more the way we think they'd make sense; the way fans want to see it happen. In this multi-part series, Graham "GSM" Matthews and John Napolitano, collectively known as The Boo'Kings', take complete creative control of WWE and do some "beast booking" of their own. In this edition, they break down how they'd like to see Kurt Angle's WWE return executed and everything else that would come along with it.

The calendar reads September 22, 2014, and the WWE is fresh off of the heels of an epic Night of Champions Pay-Per-View. Of all the riveting results from the card, the WWE Universe is especially disappointed to have witnessed the “World’s Strongest Man,” Mark Henry, fall short to the still undefeated Rusev. The final segment of Monday Night Raw is scheduled to see Rusev and his manager Lana make a challenge to any American who can beat the “Bulgarian Brute.”

Mark Henry’s music hits the arena and is received with a mediocre pop from the Memphis fans. Henry heads to the ring where he is quickly sidelined and ultimately thwarted. Rusev takes the microphone, but before he can speak he is once again interrupted, this time the by the eruption of none other than Kurt Angle’s entrance music.

The Memphis crowd unseats in unison bursting with cries of shock and awe. Angle basks in the glory of his long-awaited return to the WWE and proceeds to sprint to the ring. Rusev’s expression is that of terror and disbelief as he throws an unsuccessful clothesline at the Olympic Gold Medalist who answers with a perfectly executed German suplex. Rusev rolls to refuge as Kurt Angle drops the straps of his singlet and challenges the runner back into the ring. As Rusev retreats, Kurt Angle enjoys the admiration of the WWE Universe.

This earth-shattering encounter sets up a match between these two stallions at the Hell in a Cell Pay-Per-View. It is at this very venue in Dallas, Texas, on October 26, 2014, where Rusev defeats the “Wrestling Machine” Kurt Angle, by the skin of his teeth.

Angle didn't return to WWE after an eight-year absence to endure the agony of defeat. He didn't win 13 world championships and an Olympic Gold Medal for nothing, and he'd soon prove his mettle (no pun intended) by challenging Rusev to a rematch at the Survivor Series Pay-Per-View. Rusev managed to eek out a win against Angle at Hell in a Cell, but Angle wouldn't allow lighting to strike twice in the Scottrade Center in St. Louis.

The November pay-per-view may have lost its luster in the past, but not on this night of November 23 when two of wrestling's biggest and brightest stars at the moment clashed for a second time. Once again, the two engaged in a battle for the ages with the momentum constantly shifting between the two Superstars. As Rusev sets up his lethal superkick, Angle reverses with an Ankle Lock of his own, twisting and tearing the already injured ankle of Rusev.

To apply even more pressure to the hold, Angle sits back and falls down the ground with his grasp still on tight. At last, Rusev taps, but not before the referee can pin Angle's shoulders down to the mat for a three count. An instant replay shows that Rusev slapped the mat at the same moment the referee's hand made contact for the three, resulting in the match ending in a draw.

Still determined to solidify his patriotic dominance, Angle would challenge Rusev to one last match at the TLC Pay-Per-View in Cleveland. This time, it wouldn't be any ordinary contest; Angle and Rusev were going to battle in a Ladder match with their respective medals hanging high above the ring. Despite his strong showing against the Wrestling Machine, Rusev is unable to claim the prestigious prizes, leaving Angle to be named the victor. Although Angle finally beat the beast, Rusev remains unbeaten via pinfall and submission.

The next night on Raw, with Rusev to be found no where in sight, Angle throws his name into the hat of participants in the 2015 Royal Rumble match, making his intentions known of becoming WWE World Heavyweight Champion again. He rides a wave of momentum going into the event, entering the Rumble at No. 5 and laying waste to everyone in sight. The final two men in the ring, Angle and Reigns engage in an epic stare down for the ages as the clock counts down to signal the No. 30 entrant. As the familiar buzzer goes off, a strange silence comes over the arena as the Philadelphia crowd eagerly anticipates whom it might be. All of a sudden, a fairly familiar static sound goes off and the Wells Fargo Center comes unglued. “Look in my eyes! What do you see? The cult of personality!” No one watching worldwide (on the WWE Network for only $9.99) can believe their eyes. CM Punk has returned!

Much like everyone else, Angle and Reigns are taken by complete surprise. Punk comes out from the back to an even bigger roar from the crowd, looking better than ever. Not taking the time to embrace the audience, Punk makes direct eye contact with Angle in the ring. Reigns takes advantage by attempting to toss Angle over of the top rope, but The Olympic Gold Medalist survives. Punk slowly makes his way to the ring and engages in battle with two stars representing the past and the future, respectively. After several minutes of back-and-forth action, Punk outsmarts Angle by playing possum and tossing him out to the floor.

Almost exactly one year removed from his final WWE appearance, Punk was looking to win the very match that caused him to leave in the first place. The only issue is that he was too busy taking pride in proving his superiority over Angle that he didn't notice Reigns sneaking up on him from behind, throwing him out of the squared circle to be deemed the winner of the 2015 Royal Rumble match. However, in an ironic twist of fate, the audience would boo Reigns after having his hand raised by the referee. This was the same man who the Pittsburgh crowd wanted to see win the match the year prior when he was going up against Batista, and now they were booing him. Was the WWE Universe starting to resent Roman Reigns?

The night following the Rumble would see the return of Rusev. Despite being off of television for several weeks now, the “Bulgarian Brute” boasted a brash confidence. The bark to Rusev’s bite, Lana, would scream to the WWE Universe that his loss to Kurt Angle did not count and that there was no American who could pin her monster. Well “Dr. Frankenstein,” may I introduce you to the returning Ryback. The WWE Universe loses control, as they are about to witness Godzilla and King Kong clash.

The reinvigorated Rusev shows no sign of distress this time; he would not let another major return get the better of his emotions. Ryback eases down to the ring to go nose-to-nose with his Russia-revering rival. Lana raises the microphone to her lips and without even giving her a glance, Ryback snatches the mic from her grip and drops it to the mat. This is all the “Big Guy” would need to do to get the duo to slowly back away and exit the ring.

These two titans will meet at the Elimination Chamber Pay-Per-View, where Ryback goes on to win via disqualification, as the Russian sympathizers feared defeat was imminent. The ultimate American victory takes place in Santa Clara, California, at WrestleMania 31, where Ryback delivers ‘Shellshock’ and pins Rusev in the middle of the ring.  Thusly, Ryback’s ascension to the top of the mountain will begin.

Following the Ryback versus Rusev clash at WrestleMania 31, the “Best in the World,” CM Punk and his equally accomplished counterpart, Kurt Angle would engage in their first of many bouts and absolutely steal the show. The beauty of this program is that there is no personal animosity; these two technicians just want to go out there and prove who’s the stronger shooter on the grandest stage. 

And that, my friends, is how you kickoff an Olympic Gold Storyline.

           

John's Jargon: 7th Edition

John’s Jargon

From Professional Wrestling to Baseball and Everything In-Between

Night of Champions Predictions

By John Napolitano

           

            World Wrestling Entertainment is currently in a state of disorder as the landscape is being remolded from the action-packed adventures of the summer to the stale surroundings of autumn. The Night of Champions Pay-Per-View, which takes place on September 21^st, has the potential to stymie the humdrum antics of the fall and electrify the WWE Universe to its core. I contest that the entire tone of the upcoming fall months will be indicative of the results of the Night of Champions Pay-Per-View in Nashville, Tennessee.

            I predict that the WWE Tag-Team Title matchup will kickoff the show, as the current champions, the Usos, are exceptional at invigorating a crowd and kicking off the night right when given the chance to do so. Jimmy and Jey are squaring off against the newly turned heel team of Stardust and Goldust. As much as I would like to see Stardust return to his original identity as Cody Rhodes, I foresee the Rhodes brothers dethroning the Usos for the tag-team titles and prolonging their bizarre gimmick. The Usos have grown somewhat stale, and the fact that the team of Stardust and Goldust has been given a pay-per-view program to begin with tells me that we will see new champions on September 21^st.

            It seems logical that the United States Championship match will be used as a decrescendo following the electric opener, considering there is not much interest in the program as a whole. Sheamus has served as ho-hum United States Champion ever since he earned the strap in May. Unless there is a heel turn in store for the “Celtic Warrior,” I do not see much reason in keeping the title on him. I predict that Cesaro will defeat Sheamus in what will be an unexpectedly enjoyable match. Hopefully Cesaro can restore prominence to the championship as we traverse into the fall and winter months.

             Nikki Bella, AJ Lee, and Paige should put on a fairly competent 8-minute contest come Night of Champions. The Divas division has certainly seen better days, but there is definitely a conscious effort to entertain and story-tell, which is always welcomed. The outcome of this matchup will be hard to predict but I would like to see Nikki Bella win the Divas Championship and battle over the title with her sister Brie into the fall. The angle between AJ Lee and Paige has become a little sour and I can only hope that they pursue different directions following Night of Champions.

            Mark Henry and Rusev will likely do battle towards the middle of the event. Neither of these superstars are ring generals by any stretch of the imagination, and I shutter to think of a bout lasting longer than 5 minutes between these two behemoths. I do not see Mark Henry as the man to snap Rusev’s undefeated streak. I predict that Rusev squashes the “World’s Strongest Man” in order to gain the undeniable legitimacy for which he is fighting. In my fantasy world, a face Ryback returns leading up to Survivor Series and ends the reign of Rusev once and for all.

            The rivalry between the Intercontinental Champion, Dolph Ziggler, and The Miz is undoubtedly the hottest mid-card rivalry in the WWE. The Miz has really shone through with the utilization of his stunt double Damien “Mizdow,” whereas Dolph Ziggler has not really been given the chance to run with the ball as champion. He comes across as mild-mannered and almost monotonous, which is not normal for the “Show-off.” I realize that we are still a week removed from Night of Champions and this rivalry still has the potential to hit a homerun, but as of September11th, I predict that Dolph Ziggler will retain his Intercontinental Championship in order to preserve the title’s prestige.

            It’s no secret that Chris Jericho is preparing to depart from the WWE once again following Night of Champions. Coincidentally, his opponent the “Apex Predator” Randy Orton is in dire need of some momentum in order to maintain his top-tier status. Randy Orton will come out as the victor against the legendary Chris Jericho in what will be a great contest with the potential to surprise everyone, and be a highlight of the card.

            In my opinion, Seth Rollins versus Roman Reigns will be the breakout match of the night. These two former S.H.I.E.L.D. members will undoubtedly tear the house down in Nashville, Tennessee, and do some great storytelling in the process. The crowd will surely reach a ferocious frenzy when these two bulls lock horns. Because Roman Reigns is on the roll of a lifetime, I predict he wins due to interference on the part of the Authority. Hopefully, this will translate into a program with Triple H at some point this fall.

            Last but certainly not least, there is the WWE World Heavyweight Championship matchup between Brock Lesnar and John Cena. Cena was absolutely decimated during their last meeting at Summerslam and claims that he is going into Night of Champions to not only win, but to “beat Brock Lesnar’s ass.” I predict that unlike Summerslam, John Cena will generate a majority of the offense throughout the bout, but Lesnar will pull out the victory at the last minute and retain the WWE World Heavyweight Championship.

            What do you think of my predictions? Do you agree? Do you disagree? Tweet me your thoughts and reactions @HeelByDesign!